Tuesday, June 2, 2009

One of THOSE days!

Yesterday was June 1st and I mentioned to a few people that I thought I would give up sugar for the month of June. Yes, of course I got laughs. I think one person actually spit out what they had in their mouths at the time. Yah, lots of support. Whatever!
I took my daughter and step-daughter for a hike at Sunol yesterday. When I told them about my thoughts, my daughter was very quick to respond with a "NO!" She went on to explain. "Sugar is your substitute for alcohol." "Running is like your drunk. It gives you the rush and the 'feel good' feeling you need that you used to get from alcohol. But sugar satisfies your craving for alcohol. You can't give up sugar!" She's dead-on!!
Alameda Creek, Sunol Regional Wilderness Park
I have been challenged today by the devil on my shoulder, telling me how good a drink would be. How nice it would be to sit down with a glass of wine or a cold beer. I don't like this. I don't need this. It sucks! I haven't had a desire to drink for quite a while and that's a blessing, I know. Whenever something gets me upset, I don't think of a drink. If I'm lonely, I don't think of a drink. If I'm sad, I don't think of a drink. I'm not 100% sure what brought this on today.

But if I had to think of something, I guess it could be the fact that my estranged father is in an ICU in San Francisco because he had heart bypass surgery last night. My brother and I were going to go see him today but evidently he still has tubes everywhere. We will go see him tomorrow. I haven't seen him in almost 20 years, haven't spoken to him in 14. I didn't think I was nervous, anxious, scared. Maybe inside I am. Maybe by admitting that, it will be better when I wake up tomorrow morning. The good news, however, is that I didn't drink!

I tried some retail therapy. By the way, when you work retail, you no longer get retail therapy. I hardly ever buy "road running" shoes anymore but seeing as I have signed up to run the SF 1/2 marathon in July, I figured I'd better get some. I picked up these kicks today.

And, since I had new kicks and I was still fighting the"a drink sounds good" feelings, I took Boomer out for a little four-miler along the Alameda Creek Trail before cooking dinner tonight. That ALWAYS gets my mind straight, no matter what.

Thanks for listening.
Until later.............

25 comments:

run to eat said...

Oh, Sweetie, call me if you need me. And don't give up sugar just because of the bender you pulled on your birthday (OMG, how did you feel the next day?!) LOL
I'm thinking of running the Golden Hills Marathon and want to train with my friend the ultramarathoner so give up those thoughts of a drink and do what you did tonight - put on the shoes and go for a run!
good luck tomorrow, xo

Looney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FoodsThatFit said...

I am so impressed by your will power. Your decision today to avoid drinking was a huge accomplishment. You are an amazing example of taking it one day at a time.

I am sorry to hear about your father and hope that everything turns out o.k.

Southbay Girl said...

Jo Lynn, if I had any idea you were having such a tough day when I called you today I would have jumped in my car and driven up-screw my kids concrete floor!!! I am so sorry!!! From what you said I would agree that it is your impending meeting with your dad! Nothing else made sense as to why you would want a drink on this particular day!!!

And I agree-running is "your drug" and a damn good one at that! Running is my'drug" but it's not my alcohol, it's my escape from being alone! So I am with you! I do understand, in some respect!

As for you giving up sugar for a month-why? How about trying a week first...see how you feel and then go from there. A month is a long time to go without something that you find great joy in! And there is nothing wrong with that! I love chocolate!! As a matter of fact I have a flourless chocolate cake from whole foods in my fridge and it's to die for.....I commend you for wanting to give up sugar. I'm sure from a chemical standpoint-you would definitely feel different! But i don't think you need to stop for weight reasons!!! Hell, you run your buns off! You are in kick ass shape! Sugar is your vice! Everyone needs or has a vice! Sugar is a good one!!!

I so want to give you a hug right now, I can't in person, so I'm sending you a virtual {{{{HUG}}}} and a big slobbery kiss from velcro (I hope Boomer doesn't get jealous!)

I can't wait for us to finally meet! I feel such a connection to you! I'm so angry and irritated we live so far away-well, I guess in the grand scheme of things it's not that far away!!

Keep your head up! Smile! You are an amazing person!! And tomorrow when you go to see your dad-be strong!! You can do it!!!!

Penny

Looney said...

I can't imagine going more than a few days without seeing or talking to my daughter. Hopefully you will have a good visit.

Victoria said...

Hang in there-- big hug to you.

Rick Gaston said...

Will be praying for you J. I'm glad you didn't give in to the temptation.

Drs. Cynthia and David said...

Sorry to hear about your father. That sounds very stressful and emotional. Reminders of our past tend to bring up memories of former habits too, so that may be the reminder about drinking. Glad to hear you resisted. Running is much better for you! (so glad you are able to run again too!)

Your post also reminded me of a very interesting post I read here http://www.fathead-movie.com/?p=225 talking about the connection between sugar/carb addiction and alcohol addiction, and also reviewing a book written by a mental health professional talking about the importance of nutrition in mental health. He says he thought he needed AA but he discovered when he stopped eating high carb he no longer craved alcohol. Curious.

I love sugar too, but try to keep the intake down most of the time (when not racing!). Fruit is a good sugar source- satisfying but not so easily overdosed that it damages metabolism.

Good luck with your dad. It's good that you are there for him, despite whatever may have happened in the past.

Cynthia

cami said...

Hi Jo Lynn, giving up sugar can be really tough, especially during such an emotional time. Sugar is the first thing I run to when I'm feeling a little vulnerable. You know the saying. Cake makes everything better. So just have some cake and give up sugar some other time. I hope you have a great day today.

Missy said...

You may not THINK that's the reason and I'm no doctor but I'm sure it's weighing on you harder than you may think. Best of luck and just get through today.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

I hope the visit to see your father leaves you with some sense of closure and peace.

Don't be surprised if a bunch of old supressed feelings to come rushing up out of nowhere. If that is that's triggering the drinking thoughts, it might get worse before it gets better. Be prepared!!

I'm incredibly proud of you for fighing the urge although I'm sure it's frustrating to find yourself thinking about a drink at all.

Hang in there.

Marlene said...

Wishing you strength to get through this difficult time. I hope it goes well with your father. Good luck!

RunningLaur said...

Sounds like you successfully made it through a very rough day - just remember your strength that you've shown not just yesterday, but in each day of training and racing. All of that strength can help you with the tough times. Don't be afraid to take a break when you need it and just spend a bit of time outside - you know that's your healer.

Wishing you the best.

leslie said...

Isn't is funny how when we think about drinking, it's always about an imagined sort of drinking (social, fun, classy) which is so NOT how I drank towards the end of my drinking days.

One day at a time.
Keep up the great work, and best of luck as you sort through the tangle of emotions regarding your father.

Bong said...

Hi Jo Lynn. In our search of happiness , pleasure, bliss,contentment or whatever we call it, sometimes we end up going to the easy and temporary way, not knowing better that true happiness is within our grasp, free, pure, wholesome, clean. I see happiness when I read your posts and see your smiling face with Boomer,or with your friends or family, and the beautiful sceneries of running trails like Garin, or your favorite doughnut. I'm glad to hear you're back to running again, the ankle must be ok now. :)

Lily on the Road said...

Being estranged from a family member is very hard, I know, my Dad and I didn't talk nor see one another for a very long time. Hope your visit goes well.

I'm also struggling with giving up alcohol, I need some of your strength, thanks for sharing your thoughts, we will listen anytime!

AKA Alice said...

Hey JoLynn. I don't have any advice, or words of wisdom, or even funny asides to share...just ((hugs)) and glad you made it through a rough day...and I'm so sorry to hear about your father (both his illness and your estrangement).

I do like the new kicks. RBR will appreciate the pink :-)

aron said...

i hope everything is going ok today and know you have so many people out here thinking of you!! you are amazing and so strong :)

aron said...

trail RACE?!?! eeek :) i need to try a single run first haha.

Stephanie said...

It seems you are challenged enough with some things going in you life right now. Paying more attention to nutrition is something I would do once everything is ok again and you are less stressed. Besides I personally believe that you need some sugar, especially if you run long distances. Not sure how some folks do it, but I need that bit of energy.

Marcy said...

(((HUGS))) I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. Hang in there chica!

René said...

Kudos for not falling into the bottomless drink! The ICU is a tough place to be, but you don't have to go there alone...

Serious Running: Chris Barber said...

I agree, giving up sugar would be tough. It is in so many foods!
Your daughter is right, you have to let your brain release your endorphins somehow. Running and sugar releases endorphins but so do drugs and alcohol. This makes running and sugar good substitutes for alcohol. I think running in particular because at least you have to work to get your endorphins!

MJ said...

Sorry to hear about the rough times... it sounds like you're surviving though which is good. Keep your head up and stay strong.

I gave up sugar for 2 weeks not that long ago and it was pretty tough - you have to load up on fruit - especially berries - have them handy for when the cravings hit.

I can't remember who said it, but there's a good quote about tough times - "If you're going through hell, keep going." I think it was Winston Churchill....

Anyway, keep going, you'll emerge on the other side...

RBR said...

I am ALL about retail therapy when the shit hits the fan and your new kicks are FAB-U-LOUS! I can't wait to run with them in July!

About the other stuff, you can call me anytime. You know that. As a matter of fact it is highly recommended that you call someone that "has been there" during that time. It is a sneaky disease, this is not about will power.

Thinking of you! I hope to see you soon!