Tuesday, March 6, 2012


Two years ago yesterday, I was lying in a hospital bed while my husband and daughter waited for me to wake up from an alcohol induced "outage". 

From February 28th through March 5th of 2010, I was at the ER twice due to a relapse of my disease that is called alcoholism.  The last time, March 5th, my blood alcohol level was .422 and the doctor told my husband, "she may not come out of this."  My husband found me that morning, hiding behind a cylinder block wall, literally drinking myself to death.  How he found me was truly a divine intervention by God.  He made the right turn at the right time and caught a glimpse of Boomer on his extended leash.  Yes, I said I was 'going for a walk' and never came back.

I drive by that cylinder block wall often and I still have to look away.  I still get feelings of guilt.  How could I have done that?  I almost died because I wanted just one more drink. 

Since then, of course, I have been able to see my beautiful daughter get married and now get to celebrate her becoming a mom herself.  To think I would have missed this and to know that she wouldn't have had me there during these special events in her life, it makes me so sad sometimes.

I have to remember March 5, 2010.  Once I forget, it could easily happen again.  If it does, I may not be found.  I may try to hide even better.  With a progressive disease such as this, I would more than likely end up dead for sure.

So, today I celebrate.  I celebrate being alive and everything that goes along with that.