I have not been motivated to blog about this. I don't know why.
Did I think I would feel different after doing this ride? Did I think I would feel cleansed of negative feelings? Did I think I would have more loving feelings toward my mother-in-law? I just can't figure it out.
I'm super happy I did the ride. I did it in her honor, from start to finish. I thought of her often.
When I was struggling up a hill, I would think of her months of struggling with cancer. When I was in pain, I would think of the pain she must have experienced in her final days. When I would be short of breath, I would think of her in her final hours, breathing through a tube.
I did have a TON OF FUN along the way though.
I'm not going to go into detail about the relationship we had or didn't have. I will just say that I never felt like she accepted me as Keith's second wife and I never tried to break through that barrier with her. It wasn't important to me. But being in recovery I realize my character defects as well. If I was able to think beyond myself back then, I probably could have (and would have) made every effort to have a closer relationship with her. But, I wasn't. Therefore, amends had to be made.
Stacey agreed to do this ride with me (bless this woman) the day I ran the Nitro Half Marathon with her. For a very fun, entertaining recap of the day, please pay her blog a visit. I cannot write anything even close to her story about the day. She and her LA Run Buddy followed right behind me for the entire 65 miles. They never complained about my speed or anything. They were awesome riding buddies! Even though she WOULD NOT reach into my top and get the bee out, she did assist in getting him out. Oh, you don't know about that? She can tell you all about it. ;)
"MED2010" Accountability:
07/08 - 3.65 mile walk
07/09 - 3 mile walk, Yoga class
07/10 - 1.5 mile walk, 65 mile bike ride
07/11 - 1.5 mile walk
07/12 - 3 mile hike
Until later.............
10 comments:
“Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets.”
Henry Kissinger
Good job :)
Yikes about the bee!!
I like how you made it personal. Cycling therapy!
I think it was a perfect amends in conjunction with the living amends you make each day.
Thank you for a great ride. Holstein Hundred here we come!
We have very complicated relationships with our MILs don't we? I think you honored her in a very personal and loving way, which shows the kind of person you are. If she didn't accept you for who you are, and for the very obvious fact that Keith loves you, then more than partial responsibility for the relationship is hers. That she passed doesn't mean that all of the responsibility for what it was is now yours.
I don't mean to sound cold, but I just feel like I know so very well how you felt. It's OK that you don't want to blog about it AND how you feel is OK too!
BTW...the bee story made me smile, both yours and Stacy's version :-)
Hope to see you next weekend at some point!
I hope it was somehow a cleansing experience for you. :-)
How sweet of you to do this ride in her honor.
we cant go back and redo anything, but i think this was a great way to make amends and was a wonderful tribute to your MIL.
loved the pics and RBRs report as well <3
Still, a nice tribute.
Good tribute and biking for a good cause.
Interesting how you motivated your self to tough it out.
Great job!
girl, im so proud of you.
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